Monday, January 4, 2010

Lose it!

Some of you know I struggle with my expanding girth. I started gaining weight post divorce; the gain accelerated when my mom got sick and at the very same moment I had to deal with some very difficult (unbloggable) personal issues.  Mom's cancer and my personal loss all happened in what should have been a really fun after Christmas week to end '05 and greet '06. But that wasn't to be. I spent the next 6 months helping mom live while she died and in literal and figurative ways, death really took hold, despite my best efforts to live the lessons of a well lived life - my mother's.

I'm pretty clear about the how and when it all happened. I'm pretty unclear about why I haven't been able to fully untangle myself from about 50 lbs of unwelcomed ME! Oh, I've tried. Believe me, I've tried. The trying hasn't helped the cause - only added to a broken sense of body and mourned loss of my athleticism.

But it's time to try again, and also to settle into a kinder and gentler self image. So, that's where I'm at. I'm going to be supplementing my "30 Days of  Nothing" (such an overstated idea=nothing) with 30 days of food journaling. The food journaling is private, I"m not going to blog a journal - that would just be el boring. But, the conscious parts of 30 days seem to compliment the food journaling. I've added another layer of deliberateness to the overall project, and I think it's a good addition for me. Mr. Silly Pants is in 100% - he'll be my companion on this project and be accounting for his daily eats too.

It's pretty simple; calories in, calories out. I have a cool app on my phone (called Lose It!) that will do the journal and calorie calculations for me; it set my goals according to some criteria - will adjust the daily usage if I add exercise - and will track the caloric in and out of my days. I've chosen 1750 calories a day with a goal of losing 1 to 1 1/2 lbs of  me per week. Small steps. I might adjust it if I find the intake isn't feeling sustainable, especially because regular exercise is hard to come by and super cold days and a baby aren't making getting out for a walk a regular pleasure.

I'd appreciate support - you know - the gentle sort. I think a good 30 days of focus sets a nice frame around a bigger goal. And yes, I started already on the 1st. The hump is 4 years of flailing (not failure exactly), so I don't expect this to be easy. But worth it - I want to feel better.


rebekah said...

30 days of nothing and calorie watching go hand in hand - eating out is impossible to track on a calorie basis. So you're giving yourself an easy shot in the arm - 30 days of nothing makes it less about the food.

Awesome idea - I'll give you a ton of gentle support but I think it won't be as hard as it may seem at first!

Mindy and Baldwin said...

YOU CAN DO IT! (that's me giving you 'gentle support' but I felt the need to use all caps in order to convey my enthusiasm!)

Mark and Sarah said...

Good for you, Meghan! Count me your cheerleader from afar!! I also want to get into a more regular exercise routine for my health...becoming a mother sure shook up that priority, and I need to put me closer to the top than I have.

Julie said...

Sending you gentle support....

Mama Papaya said...

Best wishes. Having experienced the creep for the past way too long, I am hopeful that the whole food challenge will change some habits that lead to the beginning of the shed.

You have my support. Of the gentle sort.

Shannon- said...

Did I write this???

9 years ago- after having a degree in Health & Fitness (yes it is REAL!!), working in professional and division one sports, personal training and coaching... I moved home. Had a BC hormonal 'incident' and gained 50lbs in 6 weeks. (Can you say 'pain'?) It's still here... and now add in "old" and I'm falling apart.

I tell people now- you can be old or fat.. not both!

I'm with you. I leave soon and gained a little 'baby wait'- but with 3 months off - lugging a 2 year old will have to qualify as excersice and I committ to only eating things I'd feed him. (I've already committed that he can't live off mac & cheese and chicken strips... as tasty as that sounds.. hmmm- no!!)

jayme said...

You are a brilliant and amazing woman, and I am really honoured to know you.

Death sucks, and we share the experience of becoming caregiver to our moms as they lived their last months. When my mom died, I took on burdens that she had silently carried for years. My mom had a quiet grace about shouldering those burdens. I don't have that, and so I've turned to creating community around the issues nobody really talks about.

There's so much in this post that I could respond to, but I'll save that for a more private conversation (preferably over a few glasses of wine on our much-needed girls weekend!).

Though I've been pretty candid about some of the changes I'm going through, I've kept a lot of things private. 2009 was a rough year in a lot of ways (and a wonderful one in many others...) but 2010 has opened up an entirely new era of possibility for me.

You can do this. For me, the extra weight I carry physically is strongly tied to the emotional weight I've been carrying around for so long. Hopefully I will make progress in letting go of lots of "excess baggage" this year. I'm more than happy to give you whatever support you need!

Jennifer said...

I'd like to lose a bit of myself, also, so I will be happy to support you!

foreverisamoment said...

Go Meghan! Starting something like this is always the hardest part. Support from up North, heading your way!

Waiting for Zufan! said...

Yeah!! You can do it!!

I have struggled with my weight at times, too, sometimes far worse than others. I hope I've left the worst of that struggle in my past now, but I feel for you. I empathize, and identify. So, I'll share my two tricks (which are easier said than done -- but they WORK). :)

The first, you are already doing it. Write it down. When I have to put it on paper, even for myself, I won't eat it. Or, I'll eat less of it. Or I'll eat it, write it down, and say WOW, did I REALLY eat that much???!! It is a huge reality check.

The other infallible trick: Go to bed hungry. It isn't pretty. But really, for me, when I get out of my weight-comfort zone, I have to do it. It is the ONLY way I can lose the weight. When I do this (rarely) it makes me think of the kids in Haiti who eat mud cookies to fight the hunger pangs. So remember...

Go to bed hungry. You will wake up skinny.

Sending you tons of virtual support.